Questioning the Validity of Fidelity

Recently I was talking to a nice and funny polish woman and at a certain point we touched on the topic of italian men, specifically from south Italy. She mentioned that they were incapable of being faithful and wanted a different girl every week. I resisted the temptation to ask too matter-of-factly "Well, what's wrong with that?" and neglected to mention I wouldn't mind a different one every other day if I had the chance. Letting this brew in my mind I though later: This is a real factor for women, at least most of the ones I talked to. Fidelity, as in sexual fidelity, or lack thereof, is a core principle they value in relationships. This being why the concepts of "open relationship" and "love" will only very difficultly resonate together in a woman's mind.

 Now, I am a man, so I know why pussies in relationships don't "cheat" on their girlfriends and it's not that they don't want to, they do badly so, you merely have to notice how they look at and how nice they are to their attractive female friends when the boss is not around.

• 1) They are lazy and clueless: They don't know how they got their girl, and are conscious of the randomness (seemingly unrepeatable) that brought fourth the situation, and the more time passes by and the more comfortable they feel about their personal fuck-hole that is apparently committed to only them the more the thought of going back to the pickup fray appears daunting.
• 2) They are afraid to be caught and left without their fuck-hole/feelings-pump. They fear the female omniscience, they fear one slip up will crumble their frail castle of cards. 
• 3) More rare, they feel guilt. They know in their gut they would like to taste other pussy, that they don't want to look back at their life when they're old and only see three average girls, but they have been conditioned by society (religion, media, tradition, women) to feel bad about these wishes so they compensate for this sin by not acting upon it.

  Women are different, I won't pretend to know what they think but I do know it takes a sufficiently confident woman, to the point that she will seem amoral to society at large, to "cheat" on a man they love with a clear conscience. They feel an inherent guilt for this feeling, which it's why they transform it's denial into a virtue, as part of the grand scheme of the female rationalist mind. But like everything onto which a judgment value can be applied, we can also question it's validity.

  Let's start with the definition: Not engaging in sexual intercourse with other people other than the one you are currently in a relationship with. I have hear before this sentence "Kissing isn't cheating", which also exposed the liquidity of what people define as cheating to suit their means, however in my mind this should be one of the tamest "offenses". It puzzles me that according to the rules of the game could "go bowling" with other men at will as long as they don't have sex. By "bowling" I mean activities where she would spend a large amount of time alone with other men, talking candidly about personal subjects, like her current relationship, perhaps mentioning things she wouldn't admit to her boyfriend, have very "friendly" hugs, tender hand-holding, maybe even an innocent kiss and all of this is perfectly okay simply because he relented from inserting his penis into her consenting vagina.

  But regardless of what constitutes cheating or not is unimportant in relation to the question of why to do it, more specifically, why not do to it?

  An example: Nice girl A is dating Loser B. "A" is moderately attractive, smart, young (thus without a long sexual history) and started dating B a few years ago in high school. "B" is however moderately unattractive, unstylish, unconfident, uninteresting and just plain average across the board. They love each other, or at least they do because of their inexperience. Noe they study at different universities so they see each other less. Enter Badass C. "C" is a foreign exchange student, attractive, two years older than A, speaks multiple languages, is funny and charismatic and basically better than B on all accounts. Of course A feels attracted to C as his mere energy dwarfs B's entire being without any effort, so why is A feeling guilty of this, why should she keep repelling C's advances? Why doesn't she just have sex with him and analyze afterwards if her "love" for B perseveres after all, or rather if she would like to dump him to be with C, or maybe even to figure out if what she really wants right now in her life is complete sexual freedom?

  Because simply, for most people, and much more so in women, our morals aren't our own, they are a byproduct of our social environment in our formative years, tradition and familty, and the fear, once upon a time external, of societal repercussions. As we mature we appropriate the morals of our society as if they were our own. What began as "I won't do this because I don't want to be looked down upon as a slut" becomes "I don't want to be a slut, to feel I am one", they fail to notice these "morals" are tied to their particular social setting and not part of some absolute commonsense truth. Recently I talked to a friend of mine's young sister and asked her why she went to church, and she answered "because I am a christian" like she knew what religion was or that there could be any other alternatives.

  So next time you hear the classic "Sorry but, I have a boyfriend." do feel sorry, but not for you, because what she is actually saying is "I'm sorry, I really like you and would really like to have sex with you but I am not strong enough to give up my meaningless relationship and risk being alone and to be considered a bad person by my peers for doing only what I want." or more simply "I don't want to be happy, I'll let other people define my happiness." On the flipside, when you are in the situation where you've been sleeping and hanging out with one woman, and another attractive woman starts to smile at you and talk with a flirty tone, analyze that little voice in your head asking you "what are you doing? you have a girlfriend!" figure out if it's trying to hurt you through "protecting" you rather than protecting you through "hurting" you.