Right now I'm in a pretty place, and abandoned bridge that is in total darkness except for my spot where the street light for the street below hangs at head-level. My bike's lights flicker and I don't feel like turning them off. I opened a wine, I had a notebook in my bag, it's not that cold. Regardless, this is where I want to be in time. I'm lonely, my friends don't come over as often, they have jobs and I think I'm dropping in ranking for visits from them, which is sad since they're supposed to be my best friends. My other best friends don't really consider me important either and, having moved back from two far away places, I've further distanced myself from these friends while there. Also lost were numerous fake useful friends.
Excuses to leave the house, to go somewhere. But I can't wait to leave again somewhere far, but the chance seems so far away, maybe it won't come.
So where would I be now? Well. I'd like to have people I could go to in the afternoon and talk, and meet new people on occasion, but I would also like not to be bound by them whenever I don't want to go, though when I'm alone like now I don't see my time being used effectively. I'd like to be doing something nice and fun on most days. Like a nice job or some other activity. Like having a nice band, or something. I'd like to be living in a big city, a step away from having an anonymous coffee with little danger of running into any one uncomfortably familiar, yet close enough that familiar ones might drop by rather quickly. I would like to drink etcetera and get wasted on occasion, namely many.
I know dreams are empty, an ever fulfilling "right now" is the promised land. Still that mundane urban dream seems far.
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