Repositioning the Journey OR Which Catapult to Use?

I should take great care to notice that I seem to be operating at a different level than anyone in my surroundings, with an added paradox to complicate things further. First off, I have a strongly rational "viewing" of situations, which others don't seem to use. Case in point, I broke our host's mug. On the one hand, this is irreversible, and this puts me at ease somewhat: the inevitability of confrontation. On the other, I rationally don't feel too at fault. To quote my friend: "Stuff will break", so no matter how careful one is, one is going to destroy something eventually. Extra care (mindwrecking as it would be if it were constant) would only mitigate this so that less stuff will get broken. But it really only comes down to luck that the thing you will break won't be that important. The only way never to be run over by a car is to never leave the house. I'm at this level, so if someone breaks something of mine without malice, I rationally have no choice but to forgive them, I might feel bad, but I must forgive, and blame won't help anyone. Except the world seems to disagree, when there is tragedy people do want the ruined crops to be burned down along with the pests. So when I break stuff, and I will, I'm mildly astonished to never receive any forgiveness. I have an inkling why: it's because I don't appear to be without malice. My body language doesn't say "I'm sorry" because I feel no blame, and usually don't show fear, unlike a child would do when they've done something wrong. The ideal reaction would be to show true remorse, reflected in body language and such. In a way I'm glad. If I could mimic this, or wanted to (I have gained this skill), I'd be closer to a psychopath rather than the nihilist I appear to be: if stuff breaks, especially valueless stuff (come to think of it, all stuff is valueless), then whatever, it's just stuff, I myself am just stuff that happens to be moving and living. Though what is being suggested by other living stuff is that maybe I should learn to pretend, if I want to, not survive, but have a smoother ride. • Secondly, the paradox is that I'm an artist and dabble in romantic appreciations of the world, so this pretending I just described is precisely how I should feel, but that's not important right now. • The point is that I'm dealing with symbolic beings everywhere, beings which, oftentimes unawarely, put extreme importance on purely symbolic actions. I'm reminded of a situation in my previous job. There was a crowded meeting room, the manager stepped out, I was tired so I took a seat, the one that was free, the manager's swivel chair. The most senior pawns at the meeting looked at me horrified and demanded that I got up. You don't sit in the Manager's Chair unless you're a Manager. I was puzzled, it was just a chair, that's all it clearly was. To them it was more. But again it wasn't only that I didn't care, it was that I showed I didn't, and my body language showed my disdain for their symbolic edifice. The adequate response would have been pleading for forgiveness, the embarrassed guilt of innocence. • Which brings me back to my forthcoming journey and how, in my frame of mind, I conceived its vehicles, its Catapults: Hitchhiking and Couchsurfing, perfect for me as they involve just the limited time frame for my mode of action. Be the Nice Guy, people will assume a positive character behind a positive mask, and that will take care of itself, and in just the amount of time before I break something. Seeing it this way, I'd better learn to pretend; I will, it's easy, I've done it before. If something goes wrong in that limited time, well, no harm, I'll just leave, they'll keep a nasty perception of that stranger they gave a shot, but they'll be free of me, and I'll be free of them, and of the awkward situation, singing "better luck next time". What remains to be seen is how am I going to feel about myself taking advantage of all these people's charity. Probably not too bad, I know people feel good when they help others, and where I fail, they'll get over it eventually. Like our host will eventually forget about the whole mug thing and eventually even that I existed. I should start practicing now, apologize, try to buy him a new mug. Might work. • My friend's patience is at its limits I feel. He's getting really annoyed as well. As I write this (AKA doing nothing) he's cooking our dinner by himself like he has always done. I've been around too long. I'll try not to be a bother during the coming week, be mindful of my clumsiness more. • I've always proclaimed my disdain for emotional vampires, but am I also a vampire of sorts after all? That'd be too bad.