Ready to go Solo

Thinking makes me aware again of something I thought before. Because my continuous presence is poisonous to those around me, like many things in the world are harmful only with prolonged exposure while beneficial with slight exposure, it seems clear I must keep searching for ways in which I'm not directly dependent on others and have my own lonely base I can take refuge in, and break out when I need companionship, only now I'm relieved it won't be as expensive, and can be mobile. I speak of the Van. Other thoughts are slightly painful, how many dear friends will I alienate on my path, how many times will I shy away from happiness, misled that I'm taking refuge? How many new expendable friendships will I make, only serving to remind me of how landlocked I am? Then again, doesn't the rest of the world already do this, only unaware, blind to their own sadness?