(written on napkins)

I am a fool. How could I let go of my shell. What madness went into the mind of this poor Turtle. I was, one, drunk on safety, and this I believe will ultimately be the biggest casualty. It'll be hard to regain my total fearlessness after this. "At the sight of him the portuguese must have thought it something out of an old evil dream", and he was this fat ghoul that spoke in tongues and torchlight in hand, and dog that looks like him. Though I could tell, despite my fear, how he was merely playing his part, and how after he punches his clock he goes back to his cave and merely wishes for some peace and quiet. Even the dog, fat-ugly that he was, gave the act away, wagging its tail and wanting to be friends. But in the light of fear, especially at night, we only see fearful things. But, two, I left my shell, as if I were Eagle and not Turtle. Fool. Fool! Serves you right! Why are you carrying it around all day after all even though it's so heavy: Because it's your life. You won't make the mistake again, will you? And, three, overconfidence. Fool, know your foolishness. Everything will be alright, that's true. But don't push it... fool. Two hours more in this gas station shop, then it'll be time for a lesson, a five-hour-long lesson. I blame the Languishing, there was an accident on the highway and I was stopped for an eternity with a non-english-speaking driver, ergo silence, more than the usual stopness. When Movement stops it's bad news. But I was spoiled, I could have done more, I could have gotten just one more ride, but my gears had revved down, and I sought solace, and just when I'd proclaimed hours earlier that it was time to move forwards. I don't think it fitting to be this hard on myself though. This is my Path, there are much scarier and daunting mistakes in store for me in the future. This is the Path, or Mode, of learning that I chose. There is no reason to abandon it. • I'm glad I can write. I'm grateful even for these hungarian gas station attendant women, and their Ferrari-logo-adorned polo shirts. I'm grateful I didn't go beyond the edge of Fool's Cliff, and held on to my Absolute Necessities, my portable holy graal. It and my life, and everything, will be all-rife. I'll get a coffee. 1,43€. There could be worse things. • Not enough battery to read much, that's ok, it's impossible to read in this state, only drink words, and all the newspapers are in hungarian. And newspapers are the devil. As I see it, two options in the morning, around 5 or 6. Either, take a peek, see how fat my tent is, if it isn't far, a quick one will set everything straight. Alternatively, "yes, hello, hello there, courteous smile, my name is ___, and I'm dreadfully sorry but I am hitchhiking, do you know what hitchhiking is? Yes. Well, I was dropped off here and couldn't find a ride out so I was looking for a nice hidden spot to put my tent and sleep here in the forest, but in the darkness I didn't notice I was trespassing on hotel property, and your caretaker, lovely man I'm sure, what's his name? Well, he didn't speak english so I couldn't explain to him what I was doing, and he, understandably, drove me out. I know! I know! What a dreadful misunderstanding! If possible I would like your help in offering him my sincere apologies. Either way I want you to know too, sir, madam, that I am deeply sorry about all of this trouble, I'd merely like a chance to retrieve my tent and put this whole business behind us, you're busy, I'm in a rush also you see. It's for the best. Though please, accept this small token of my appreciation... what am I saying, 50 euros for your troubles and your understanding. Or actually, why don't just spend the night here today at your lovely hotel. Please, it's the least I could do." Ugh, so smooth, let's not come to that, I hope we can keep it sneaky. Everything's fine, it's just the taint of the night making everything seem scary and unmanageable. No tent-snatchers will take my shell in the darkness, and the tentvore wolves of Hungary are no more. Is it ironic that the brand of this gas station is Shell? Or is it just funny? • One more hour, here in the warmth, until the ordeal, five hours of cold nothingness, I've been through it before, once I called it the worst day of my life. Won't be so bad, but it definitely will be Languishing. Home away from home. Again I have to be grateful, not just for this stand of Beanie Babies in front of me, and this attendant's laugh and this pen. It so happened that yesterday I slept late, and today woke late and had no strain so I'm fresher than I could be. It's always good to be pardoned by your mistakes, even if it is by the unfeeling unresponsive Universe, the true Impartial One. I'm already out of ideas. I will be cold. It'll be okay. I'll have nothing to do. It'll be okay. All this will make me stronger and wiser in the future. Not to mention more interesting, what a great story! Another one to tell someone's grandkids one day. Maybe even mine. "That's really how it happened."
In my pessimism I didn't even notice this place was open 24 hours.