Can't breathe. No tears, but also no air. You must be this tall to ride this rollercoaster. But how we're always surprised at the downturns, surprised by the inevitable. • I feel like a dry hollow shell. It's always shameful to admit it in words but: I am sad. Yet why am I sad? Because I wasn't able to take her, "use" her as she put it. If I had would I be fine? Would I feel like I had accomplished something? Would I be relaxed that I had ticked another box? Do I grieve a failed mission? I feel defeated. Who lost? Pride? Maybe, but maybe something a bit more. Something magical was within grasp, a little pocket of light, an event that could have been tapped into and would rejuvenesce. But instead rejection contaminates it, turning it into mud, tainted like the bills of a broken-in cash machine. And now I'm back in the Day of Daze, alone, heart beats a murmur. Of it all I would have to say that the worst is that we both wanted it, but the universe decided to play its trickery to prevent it, as it feels like doing from time to time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and this is why I've always tried not to inflict these things on others. And even though they all treasure their interferences, (some call it love), I still think I did the right thing. However, the old mantra stands: Would I have preferred to have had merely another boring day at the job? Nope. Then we're on the right track. Come on, Sadness, forwards we go! Feel!
•In the end, everything was ok.
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