I'm Aware of What I'm Riding On

Yes, I want to be an agent in your happiness. I don't want, you wouldn't want, for it to be my only mission in life, but I do want to further it. Happiness is rocky, I don't expect everyone to have a solemn acceptance of the rocky nature of emotions' lifetimes like I do. I know that it is a rollercoaster. There is no moment of supreme happiness that won't be succeeded by a moment of absolute despair. These events are tied. The line that runs forwards swerves in mysterious ways, in its dreadful quest to find the True Way Forwards. You/She said that I have the capacity to hurt you/her deeply. That's painful, really. Painful because it's true, so true that my voice couldn't pretend it wasn't. I am the Loaded Gun and am asking you everyday to point Me at your head. I'm sorry but I'm not sorry, if I'm holding your hand to the apex of the rollercoaster, and if I'll be the one responsible for letting you go at the top to your next visit to despair, and if you give me that look of incredulity when I let go, and if I'm breaking again the illusion that I'd forever be a support beam, and if my face at that moment is the face of Resignation, and if then I am also not sorry that the Hero of my life is after all Me, and if I'd rather be the last man on Earth rather than choose my death over anyone else's... I would still, very much'd like to continue our dance of happiness, that we'll keep riding up this fragrant mountain knowing that ascents are fast, and that falls are swift, and that permanence in the Abyss is always brief. Brief enough to enjoy the pain, even the Bad Pain. And enjoy enough that it'd never leave you until the end, a horror story of the past or a wonderfully nostalgic memory, but always a testament that you are Alive.